every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize