Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
