I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
