he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
