Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
