I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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