The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
