do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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