why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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