I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
