woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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