the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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