I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
