I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
