i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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