we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
