I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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