I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
