There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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