the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
