anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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