worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize