A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
