Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
