He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
