How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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