I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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