the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
