I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
