i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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