Nicole vs. Life
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
