Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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