My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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