this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
