the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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