I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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