this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
