after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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