I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
