i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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