forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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