It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
