Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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