Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
