Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
