i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
