Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
These tits shall not be calmed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize