mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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