with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
