So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
