I'm going to jail i love you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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