the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize