some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
