are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
