for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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