when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
