did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
