I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize