The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
