Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
