youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
