I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
