take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Randomize
