dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
