Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
