We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
