You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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