I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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