If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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