I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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