she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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