Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
