I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
